But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”    – 1 Samuel 16:7

I’d posted a picture on social media of our home in Papua, and it looked so peaceful. I remember reading some of the comments and agreeing, but wishing that people could truly know the three-dimensional version of the place where we live. Just recently when a friend from the states came to visit, she was able to verbalize what I had been feeling. She thought she knew about where we lived, but until she could hear, smell and live in it, she truly could not understand it. If only the pictures included the sound of loud motorcycles or voices shouting, the smell of garbage rotting, the people pushing and staring …the heat. Our house at sunset looks peaceful, but the truth is there is often unrest on the other side of the fence. I am thankful for the safety we have inside the walls of our base; going beyond those walls takes trust and grace to step outside. It is sometimes challenging to live in a town where residents still settle arguments by warring with each other. You can’t let down your guard when you are out and about.

Pictures can rarely capture the reality of life—the smells, the sounds, the feelings. Thankfully, God knows the real picture; He knows my heart. I’m learning to rely on that—to let it be enough. I’m also trying not to judge a scene or situation by what I see on the outside, but extend the grace that He shows me moment by moment.

I am thankful for His grace and for the friends and family back home who are praying for us. It gives us the courage to step beyond our “picture-perfect” home so we can continue to reach out and be His hands and feet to a hurting world.

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My biggest fans have been, and will always be, my parents. No matter what any of us kids wanted to do in life, they encouraged us and stood on the sidelines cheering for us.
Now it’s my turn to cheer for them.

There are many difficult things about being a missionary overseas. Unfamiliar food, a different culture, driving on the other side of the road, constant heat, and trying to find clothes to fit our kids who seem to grow overnight. But by far the hardest thing I face here is the separation from those I love.

As hard as that is for me, it’s just as hard on my parents!

Our kids were nine and seven years old when we left to serve with Mission Aviation Fellowship in Indonesia. Imagine what it was like for my parents as they said goodbye to their grandkids knowing they would only see them every two years. It was a herculean feat of great love!

I try to keep them up to date with pictures and anecdotes, but I know the distance leaves a hole in their hearts. And not having them near leaves a hole in our lives as well. Grandparents are a treasure and there is so much to learn from them. When we’re together, I love seeing my kids spoiled as only grandparents can do. They just hold a special place in my children’s lives.

My parents helped us in any way they could as we prepared to move, always investing in our lives no matter where we lived. The kids are now 14 and 12 and already taller than their grandma. And my parents have missed the little milestones—all the centimeters along the way. They’ve faced empty seats at holidays and missed out on countless school programs.

They never complain, though. They never ask us to come home or make us feel guilty for being far away. They just remain on the sidelines, waving their pompoms and praying for us.

Do you know a missionary family who’s serving overseas? Pray for the parents and grandparents back home who are missing their adult children and grand kids. Let’s cheer these heroes on and lift them up before the Lord often.

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The head of our household is away again for another week, and I am “holding down the fort.” What an interesting phrase. Doing it is as exhausting as it sounds. Alone—no one to share the daily chores and raising of the kids. And why do the nighttime noises seem louder and the smoke detectors beep in the middle of the night when he is away?

While he’s gone, life goes on as usual: teaching, disciplining, laundry, cleaning, and answering the dreaded “What’s for dinner tonight?” Often it’s hot dogs and mac and cheese when “Dad” is away. I spend my time trying to make the days special while he’s gone and finding creative ways for the kids to keep in touch with their dad until he’s home again. The kids and I do it because we are part of the team with Dad. Our family works together to see that the work is done.

Sometimes it feels less glamorous to be the one left behind. He packs his bags and heads off to help with a maintenance project or to learn a new skill. We wave, he goes, and our lives remain the same—just without him. We miss him, we are proud of him, and it is a sacrifice we are willing to make to see the work continue.

Missionary moms and wives around the globe are doing this every day, in different places and for different reasons. So here’s a shout-out to the ladies who do an amazing job of doing their part without much fanfare. No plaque or engraved pen presented in appreciation. No rah-rah sessions here.

I see you out there, but more importantly…

Our God—El Roi—is the One who sees us. He is our Shepherd, and though we might not have a plaque or a pen with our name on it, we know our name is written on the palms of His hands.

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I hung up a white t-shirt and noticed that it looked as tired as I felt. Our pepperoni stash is gone and we seem to be in short supply of patience as well. It’s been five hundred and fifty-five days since we were last in our home country. Special treats we brought back with us from our last visit home are long gone. We have not lost sight of why we came to live and serve here in Indonesia, but we are weary and ready to see loved ones, catch up with friends, and rest.

As our first term overseas is coming to a close, I’ve been thinking about how I have seen God’s faithfulness in a million different ways. Three major moves while living here, learning a new language at the age of 50, and other challenges have provided fertile ground for growth and dependence on the Lord. I have been to the end of myself countless times yet always He provides the overflowing grace that keeps me walking. Friends and family back home have held us up in prayer and made it possible for us to be obedient to God’s call overseas.

I love the reminder from the verses in I Kings about how God cares for Elijah in his weariness. Though sometimes we need to just keep moving, He provides times when we need to let Him care for us … and just rest.

I’m so glad He remains faithful and true, aren’t you? Has there been a time in your life where you found Him meeting you in your weariness?

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It happened last week. The straw that broke the camel’s back. This Arabian proverb is an accurate illustration of how stresses can build and that one event sends you searching for a quiet corner and a tissue box.

No matter where you live, there are always those things that seem to build up. For me it was two dents in two cars in two days. A difference of opinion among teammates. Watching supplies disappear from the store shelves because the cargo planes that we depend on have hard landings and are abandoned on the side of the runway. A damaged wedding ring that cannot be worn or fixed until furlough. My camel’s back was starting to sag.

My most recent “last straw” happened as I attempted to navigate the roads here on my bicycle. I was stuck in a traffic jam behind a garbage truck, smoking motorbikes, and staring travelers. If that wasn’t hard enough, I was returning from a visit with a friend and we’d just had a misunderstanding. And as I sat there in traffic, sobbing, a surprise rainstorm hit. At least my tears were camouflaged by the rain.

When I shared these burdens with my warrior sisters here, I discovered I wasn’t alone; that I’m not the only one who goes through hard things and gets discouraged. One friend shared that she sat on the edge of her hotel bed sobbing over exhaustion, another friend screamed out in her own home to release built up stress, and yet another one has the need to steal away to her bedroom alone to have time to process and hear from the Lord.

We all have those “straws” that build up in our lives. God has created us in His image and has given us emotions. Lay your cares at His feet; His burden is light. And be transparent with dear ones around you, and I bet you will discover you are not alone.

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Moving overseas, there were many new things to get used to.  Having someone to come and help me with house cleaning duties was one of them. Ibu Ning became a part of our household our first year in Indonesia. It was difficult to watch her doing the things I was used to doing in my own home.  I found myself wanting to clean up before she came, or I’d try to be busy cleaning while she was in our home. Over time, I learned enough of the language so I could communicate better with her and got to know her and her family. I began to relax and appreciate this special lady in our lives who loved us, loved our kids, cooked our food and kept our house in order while we studied language in Salatiga. It was there that my view of house help began to change.

When we moved to Wamena I had to decide again if I would have house help or not.  Though I now had more time on my hands, I discovered other sweet benefits, besides a clean house, of having a lady come into my home one day a week. It has given me the opportunity to get to know someone from the community; I have the ability to help her family with medical problems, and the chance to help her kids attend school. Ibu Dorce blesses me by helping me with the language, letting me into her life, and making my life here a bit easier thanks to her hard work.

I love that even though Ibu Dorce and I are so different in our lifestyles, culture, and language, we still share everyday life things like raising kids, caring for our families, and being sisters in the Lord.

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How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!”
–Psalm 119:103

One day, while leaving the grocery store, I spied a lady outside who was selling some very nice limes. She told me the pile of limes would be 20,000 rupiah (about $1.50 US). I gave her a 10, a 5, two 2’s and a 1. She refused, said it wasn’t what she wanted. Enter Gourd Guy (dressed in nothing but a gourd), also standing outside the grocery store. He tried to convince the lady that it was the correct amount. (By now I am getting the feeling that this lady might not be thinking clearly.) I then gave her two 10s, and she was happy.

I was loading up my scooter when she lifted up her shirt and pointed to her stomach, saying, “lapar.” She was hungry. I rooted around in my bag and found some crackers and then offered her some water. She looked down in my bag and gleefully grabbed the can of Sprite I had in there, and then giggled all the way back to where she was selling her limes. Gourd Guy scolded her. I laughed and said it was fine, and held out a water for him. He looked in my bag and asked for my other Sprite.

These two knew exactly what they wanted—the sweet stuff! Life is hard here, and it gave my heart joy to see her excitement in getting a treat, and to see that the guy after her had the same thought in mind. My hope is that they will reach for the sweet stuff that truly matters—God’s Word, sweeter than honey!! May we grab with gusto God’s sweet Word that satisfies!

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I never dreamed when I married and had a family that we would be living in the middle of nowhere. You never know where obedience will take you. We live in Wamena, the largest city in the world that is completely serviced by air. This shapes how we live here and what our days look like.

6 a.m. – The kids crawl in bed with me after Chris has already gotten up – a peaceful way to start the day together.

6:15 a.m. – Time to get up and begin what feels like a running marathon to get everyone ready and out the door by 7:30. Start laundry, feed bunny, keep kids moving, pack lunches, eat breakfast and out the door!

7:30 a.m. – Sarah bikes with her dad to the front gate of our base to say good bye. Simple living has its pros and cons, and having more time with dad is definitely one of the benefits of living here. I then pile the kids on my scooter and take them to school. They are in 4th and 6th grade attending a very small school where the few teachers we have teach multiple grades at a time. We are so thankful for these teachers that make it possible for our kids to get a good education in such a remote place.

8:00 a.m. – I have the privilege of teaching the kids in grade 4-8 Bible class!!  I love teaching them the Creation to Christ curriculum.

9:15 a.m. –  Returning from teaching starts the other part of my day when I finish laundry, hang laundry, do dishes, sweep out the house, and then head to town on my scooter to do a little treasure hunting. Since our town is only serviced by air, you never know what you will find in the stores or if you will find it.

10:00 a.m. – I love being able to visit my husband at the hangar at break time so I can see and feel a part of what is going on in his world. It’s great getting to know the national workers and bring treats to them to thank them for all their work.

12:00 p.m. – Since my husband is a mechanic he has a bit more flexibility in his schedule, so he is home for lunch each day.

2:30-4:30 p.m.  – My afternoon is filled with picking up the kids from school, and sometimes heading to town to see what the pasar (market) ladies have for sale on the side of the road. I love that these ladies are starting to recognize me and I look forward to seeing their incredible smiles each week.

4:30-5:30 p.m. – My husband is home from the hangar! Evenings here on base are cool and pleasant and it’s a nice time to walk around and get caught-up with other teammates.

5:30-8:00 p.m. – Creative cooking time: coming up with something for supper with a limited amount of variety and making most things from scratch! Dinnertime, cleanup, and even homework fall within this time frame.

9:00 p.m. – Thankful for the days we have power all day, and thankful for the generator on days we don’t.  I am thankful to discover God’s richness in everyday life here and find He is shaping me amid what feels like mundane daily living. I find this life makes me fertile soil for growth because of my great need of Him. Time for bed….to be ready to do it all over again tomorrow!

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…Not by might, not by power, but by my Spirit says the Lord.”  – Zechariah 4:6

INvisible… INtrovert… INcognito… INside… IN over my head. INtroducing me. 

I love God’s sense of humor. As a girl I was afraid to raise my hand in school, played 2nd chair in band, and always volunteered for the crowd scenes in drama class. Now, as an MAF missionary, I’ve stepped into a life of presenting to churches, learning a new language later in life, and living in a fishbowl base.

Almost in our 50s, my husband and I felt God calling us back to the mission field. (More about that, here). As an introvert, set in my ways and longing to work in the background, I wondered if I was losing my hearing as well.

But God made it clear as we took steps toward serving with MAF in Indonesia. We were a team of two homebodies who now needed to start on the journey of speaking to congregations about how God was leading us. We were thankful for video’s and PowerPoint presentations and God’s constant grace.

Language school was another hurdle for those of us trying to live invisibly. “Get out and talk to at least 20 people in Indonesian,” our teachers said. Inside, I was thinking, What?! I don’t even talk to 20 people in a day in America! But His grace led us again, helping us finish nine units of language and culture study. We are now able to communicate here beyond just smiling and charades.

Someday I will write that book about surviving as an introvert while living life as an open book in a country where there is nowhere to hide. I love how God uses us and how He made us. Some say, “I could never do what you are doing.” I say, “You are right, I can’t but He can.” It’s not the location that matters, it is our availability and obedience. The God I serve is INcredible!

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You are righteous, Lord, and your laws are right. The statutes you have laid down are righteous; they are fully trustworthy.” —Psalm 119: 138-139

God’s Word sets boundaries for us that keep us safe and show us His love. I am reminded of how important this is whenever I leave the MAF base and venture out in a place that has few rules for driving, sometimes no courtesy when it comes to staring, and no limits to how many can cut you in line at a store.

A normal day of shopping seems to test my limits of trying to live in a place where the rules are quite different from those of my home country, or they don’t exist at all! The one area where that impacts me the most is the driving in town. Being an aggressive NY driver has had its advantages, but I have been challenged by the fact that many do not follow any rules of the road. Playing chicken with a truck on my side of the road is not my favorite game. No rules results in chaos and danger.

One of the reasons we love being a part of MAF is because of the rules they have in place to keep their people and those we fly safe. There are training sessions, meetings, and checklists that help keep everyone on the same page. Guidelines and rules are a reflection of God’s character.

Finally, being a mom and raising my own kids has given me a small glimpse into God’s heart for us and the boundaries He has put in place for our protection. God gives us a blueprint for life—His Word—and it’s woven through so many parts of our lives.

I am thankful for boundaries, and for His love, which has no boundaries. He loves the world and I’m happy to have a part in sharing that love here in Papua.

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